So much to say... but where to begin?

This feels like an awkward conversation; it has been so long!  Do you ever feel like you just don't really know where to begin?  Well, I guess that is truly how I feel.  Like life has a lot of complication, pain, and unknowns.  So, with that comes an extreme tendency to withdraw.  I really don't want to, but with life and the various roads we walk there just appears to be a complication in choosing to let it all hang out there. 
Amidst the changes that I feel have been constant in this past year I still see how much God longs for me, His child to know His love.  This is the constant battle that I toil over within my mind-- feelings of failure, lack of worth.... a battle that I know God's truth as constant and solid, but yet, the Enemy also knows my "story"-- who I am and what has shaped me as well.
A couple of weeks ago there were 2 very significant events which were tangible expressions of God's love for me, to me.  Both of these were encounters with 2 women in my life whom I love dearly; but through life's geographic challenges and also the scheduling with kids schooling and church families it is a difficulty to keep in touch.  One woman, whom God brought into my life through our similar trials of both of our children being born with a congenital heart defect was sharing about her grieving and what life looks like 2 years post the death of her daughter.  As she spoke about her struggles to sometimes engage or feel like her grieving is understood I was able to hear her heart, to love her where she feels difficulty sometimes in her "talking" to God.  There were so many things about her heart; the words she chose, that I was able to hear myself in...it gave me a permission to simply "be".  I find that a very difficult task-- "being" .  Without knowing what lies around life's corner, seeing what appeared clear and forthright become out of focus has left me feeling foggy.... It is even so hard to put to words, but hearing another sister who loves God with all her heart share the reality of where her own uncleanness lies, it was a comfort, a salve, and I knew that God wants me to hear His heart-- giving permission to just "be", to know His love, to rest in Him, to await a healing that my heart obviously needs.  How thankful I am, how humbled I am that God loves me enough to give me a sense of being understood by him. 
My other encounter came via a phone call from a dear friend living in California.  When care and tenderness comes out of nowhere it is especially noticed.  A reminder that who God sees me as has not and will not change.  I know that Truth of who I am, who you are, is completely and clearly seen in God's word.  How lovely it is to hear the words from fellow family in the Body, to feel a loving hand upon a shoulder, or to see the tears in the eyes of a sister who is praying faithfully, longing to see God's reprieve and sustenance amidst all that life brings.  But too, I know that contentment in all that life brings is worth asking God for.  I have been reminded of this as well.... there is so much that you all offer to me via your encouragement, your prayers.  We do need one another even though it is risky-- you have so much to give to the people in your life.  There is so much God speaks to our hearts, uniting us by His Spirit.  I am truly thankful for the many visits, texts, notes of love, and words of affirmation.... thank you for being Jesus to my heart and in my life.