sisterhood

I see this post as a continuation of where I began a week ago.  By God's goodness and grace I feel like there has been a dialogue of sorts occurring in my heart and ministering to my spirit.  A further peeling back of the layers; helping me to see, to understand, to absorb His amazing truths which are just simply so full and so beautiful to behold about who He longs for us to be in fellowship with one another.  This has kind of been a theme of sorts--or a newness at least, over the past 1 1/2 years of my life.  That clarity and truth of the crippled person that I have been in my relationships with women.  I really believe that God longs for us to live in such a way where our love is so full that loving one another is that amazing extension of the hand of Jesus; not with expectation or rights, but of loving you to Jesus....Heck, this might seem like, "duh" to you but to me this is phenomenal, exciting, and absolutley freeing!  In fact, the joy that I have in my heart that is without fear of failure or guilt for what I am not feels like it has slipped away.  The work has been constant, especially in the past 5 months, but I finally am seeing blue through the stormy clouds.  God brought a verse to my heart this week that has been my focus; "God works all things together for good to those who love him."  There is a beautiful promise here; one that I have been and will continue to learn to rest in .....one that I long to proclaim, "Oh Lord!  Less of me and more of You." 
As God has been using amazing, lovely, grace filled women in my life to show me love and trust I am seeing where so many women are missing this whole picture of sisterhood that abides in Christ.  An affection and sympathy that completes our joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord . Not looking to our own interests, but to the interests of others.  This message is clear in Philippians, a book that was layed on my heart 7 months ago or so.  I have been studying it, and continue to feel God showing his desire to minister to the women in my life through this beautiful book of the Bible.  Using my many failures and sins and choosing to cover all that I am with all that He is feels like a completeness and wholeness that I have never grasped or believed that I could "attain".  And there was the error....I don't have to attain!  I just AM....because of all that Jesus IS!  Isn't this lovely.  I hope....I pray that you will allow the Spirit to show you what you are missing in your relationships of sisterhood that is real, that is deep, that is unifiied.  Oh, how full my heart is; longing for the balm of Jesus to heal those wounds that are deep and so painful.  I trust that somehow God will use me in spite of all that I am to His glory.  I feel convinced that He has a plan, and that by His grace I will get to see his handiwork amidst my own hurts, pains, and persual of Him. 

2 Cor. 1:4-7
"(God)..who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.  If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experienc when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.  Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our suffeings, you will also share in our comfort."

I hope that you see the beautiful message in this verse of sharing...abiding....living together with such a raw and realness that is far above friendly playdates and hokey potlucks.  I will never forget the morning when this passage lept off the page just for me.  It was 9 years ago as I was contemplating the "if's" of whether or not Avery was going to live or die.  Our 3rd born son's life was literally in a balance as he was born with a heart deffect that would possibly take his life; week after week this was the question at hand.  But I specifically remember that I had a choice; would I choose to praise God amidst tragedy and affliction or would I curse Him?  ....My heart longs to show the comfort of that which Christ has so graciously shown me.  May you choose to receive the comfort and love from your sisters who God has so tenderly placed in your life....love, love you.

here I am

"You can build a wall, or you can build a bridge to every person you meet."  What do you think, I mean really think of that statement?  That has really been such an underlying thought/meditation of my heart over the past 1 1/2 of my life.  I guess I need to start from there really.  I was challenged then, that autumn of  '08 to "tell my story".  On the front end that seemed rather simple-straightforward-heck, even a little boring.  But as I went through that process of chronicalizing my life I realized that there was so much that I had never really thought on, felt, or grieved that had truly affected who I am today.  And as I saw a pattern of "who" I was, and "why" I was there were some definite evidences of hurt, shame, guilt, loneliness, and lack of trust that primarily affected my relationships with women in my life.... dear, sweet, beautiful sisters in my life.  God really had begun back then a work, a work that is carrying through today and tomorrow too. I trust Jesus in this gruelsome yet freeing work; a work and place of learning to be loved and to love.... a love that can only be manifested in Christ, a love that can meet people with grace, a love that can love people to Jesus.  I guess if I were to some up my heart even this week, that has been the voice whispering to my heart, "love that person to Jesus"  not if or when, but trusting that Jesus can do this through me as I am His creation.  Boy does that give me joy...not because of me or anything that I could possible manufacture, because believe me; all that I can really manufacture is a gigantic pile of dung.  As I look to the difficulty that this week has even thrown at me I know that I don't have to have it figured out...and I guess that is all I really want to say here; one feeble step at a time trusting that God loves me and can use me in spite of the wreck I am.