here I am

"You can build a wall, or you can build a bridge to every person you meet."  What do you think, I mean really think of that statement?  That has really been such an underlying thought/meditation of my heart over the past 1 1/2 of my life.  I guess I need to start from there really.  I was challenged then, that autumn of  '08 to "tell my story".  On the front end that seemed rather simple-straightforward-heck, even a little boring.  But as I went through that process of chronicalizing my life I realized that there was so much that I had never really thought on, felt, or grieved that had truly affected who I am today.  And as I saw a pattern of "who" I was, and "why" I was there were some definite evidences of hurt, shame, guilt, loneliness, and lack of trust that primarily affected my relationships with women in my life.... dear, sweet, beautiful sisters in my life.  God really had begun back then a work, a work that is carrying through today and tomorrow too. I trust Jesus in this gruelsome yet freeing work; a work and place of learning to be loved and to love.... a love that can only be manifested in Christ, a love that can meet people with grace, a love that can love people to Jesus.  I guess if I were to some up my heart even this week, that has been the voice whispering to my heart, "love that person to Jesus"  not if or when, but trusting that Jesus can do this through me as I am His creation.  Boy does that give me joy...not because of me or anything that I could possible manufacture, because believe me; all that I can really manufacture is a gigantic pile of dung.  As I look to the difficulty that this week has even thrown at me I know that I don't have to have it figured out...and I guess that is all I really want to say here; one feeble step at a time trusting that God loves me and can use me in spite of the wreck I am.